"You Are Not a Moth!"

You are not a moth!" a friend texted me recently. I have been carrying these words with me for the past month. 

I am on day 132 of my handstand challenge, though I have been sick and took a couple of days off for some much needed rest for recuperation from a cold, which stole my voice. Mt first grade students welcomed me back with hugs, concerns, and cards overflowing from my desk piled high with papers, plans, and a computer now filled with the current virus. (I am now on my third laptop at work) My sick time left me in bed pondering these words.

"You are not a moth!" 

I once was a moth, fluttering towards the light, trying to break free from darkness, which I felt had consumed me in Arizona. Where I left a marriage, two of my children, a beautiful house, and a life I had come to love and then hate... I remember always being so cold, losing weight, gaining an eating disorder, a pill problem, fueled by a doctor who always increased my dosage. Fluttering back to Texas where my little wings were battered and torn.

When you are in the valley, keep your goal firmly in view and you will get the renewed energy to continue the climb.
Denis Waitley 

Energy. I love that word. 

Then I found light all around me. I spent hours on my horse, riding and focusing on the beauty around me. I found a relationship, different and challenging but filled with laughter. I went through two sessions of Divorce Care with friends who just let me cry. I found my home at TCU. Friends who lifted me up and challenge me to think harder than I thought possible. Karmany Yoga, where I found friends who told me repeatedly, "I matter and happiness is a choice." I found my Energy!

Energy. Recently people have started reaching out to me, to help them lose weight, find the joy they cannot see, find a yoga studio, and ask how I beat depression, found happiness. Though I do not have all of the answers, this is my current mantra:

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Albert Camus 

1. Be active. I remember my body hurting from coldness and stillness. Move. Go for a walk. A run. But MOVE! HAVE FUN!!!

2. Do not spend your precious time on this Earth on negative moments. My Facebook is filled with positive, wonderful, people who lift me up daily. I do not watch the news. I very rarely know what is happening in the gigantic world. I have learned I cannot carry the weight of the world and I am ok wth it. I choose to READ about it if I feel I might need to catch up on current events. Which leads to number 3.

3. Listen to your body. Easier said than done as I am still working on this part. I am in charge about what I put into my body. About two years ago, my doctor told me I was allergic to caffeine. Yes, I chose to not listen to those dreaded words. Six months ago, my body and mind were still enough for me to conclude, you are not well. Could it be your doctor may have been right? These last six months I am caffeine free and it is hard but I sleep better than I have EVER!

4. The universe listens. Maybe it is God, I am not sure. However, I do know the universe listens and sometimes the answer is “Yes” and sometimes the answer is “No.” I shouted out to the world I wanted to go to TCU and a recruiter was placed in my path at just the right time. I have shouted to the universe I want to go to gradate school and I am employed at a school where graduate school is paid for. 

Do not be afraid to shout out your dreams. 

5. Set intentions. No matter how big or small. I wanted to be inspiring. It was an intention I set at the beginning of the year. I have inspired friends to go back to school, lose weight, ask for help about depression, yoga, lesson planning, etc. 

6. I do not know everything. Keep learning.

7. Spend time doing what you love. I love teaching first grade! I love yoga, food, reading, and writing. Spend time filling yourself back up with what you love. 

8. Embrace change. 

9. Do not be afraid to fall, for those moments are when you will grow the most. If I think I am going to fall in a handstand, I always fall. If I go into my handstand with no fear, I nail it every time. 

Which lead me back to "You are not a moth!"

There has been a moth in my classroom, huddled on the wall by my desk. I look at him every morning and think how in the last four years, my life has transformed. I am changing lives daily through my career. I learn about myself from my handstands. I am happy. She was right.  I am the "Light!"