Panic attack has begun! I am a senior at TCU and I am
graduating on May 11, 2013. Today I had lunch with a group of my
friends at her parents’ house and it was such a nice feeling to sit down and
eat a home cooked meal with my friends. We were not at Potbelly’s or
Einstein’s, the places I visit regularly with them. The food was amazing and
her parents were so nice. We were all siting outside talking about what shoes
we were going to wear to graduation and I had to hold back tears.
I registered for my final semester today and after writing so many reflections for classes my brain is forever changed to reflect on life. I have been on this journey since my birthday, September 1,
2009, the day I filed for divorce. I sat in my attorney’s office with my sister
in law, tears pouring down my face as I closed a chapter in my life.
I moved from Arizona.
My family split into two houses.
I lived with my parents.
I enrolled in school.
I was on autopilot.
I met Steven and he asked Addison and me to move in with
him.
I enrolled in more classes and struggled in math.
Steven tutored me a lot.
I would sit in his office and study because I hated being
alone. I hated the silence and missed my kids terribly. I was so scared of school, of failure.
Christmas, 2010, I applied and was accepted to TCU. I took
12 hours and my journey really began. I met my best friend Katy Jane that summer
and we had an interesting 9 hours of summer school. My friends accepted me and my
age did not matter.
I have spent two years with my friends. I have been on this
journey of surviving for so long I finally realized the pain is not there
anymore. Instead, school, my family, my friends, and Steven have shared so much
JOY with me and I finally realized I am okay. I am no longer afraid of the
silence. I smile and laugh so much and while I will not miss lengthy
assignments and reflections I will miss my friends, our hallway lunches,
laughing at our tables, walking to class, football games, and the place which I
grew intellectually and emotionally.
This is Steven and my third Christmas together and we grow
closer everyday. He makes me smile and while we do not have the perfect
relationship, we laugh and continue to grow closer everyday. Perfection is
over-rated anyway.
So, in 160 days I will graduate and things will change. I am
ready to become a teacher and know my friends and I have the material we need
to become amazing and successful teachers, and while I am very excited and proud of myself, I am sad and nervous. TCU is
safe. The world seems scary.
And now, I must worry about finding the perfect shoe for the
day I walk across the stage and finish my goal.
On to the next chapter….
